People don’t change. We just don’t. We become disillusioned, tired, lost, resigned, disheartened and more adaptable, but that’s an entirely different thing. I guess that’s why she hates me. She thinks he was better with me than he was with her. That’s not true. He’s the same. I’m just far less patient than she was. I wonder though – is her patience a blessing or a burden…
I often think of her and it saddens me – she’ll spend her hole life trying, doubting herself, wondering what she lacks, comparing herself to me. Me? I’m free. I’ve been given the divine ability of letting go and moving on. Of knowing exactly what I want and how to get it. Most women (and men for that matter) allow to be soul-broken and linger in a relationship far below their needs and expectations, convincing themselves it’s how it’s supposed to be. ‘No one gets everything they want, right?’ – It’s ridiculous. Everyone has the right to be happy; not everyone puts it to use, though. I applaud their benevolent resignation – the more others give up, the more there is for me to take.
I guess the main difference between me and her is that she settles. Most of them do. She gets out of him just as much as I got at the time, but when I found it far too insufficient and unsatisfactory, I just walked away. I know she stays out of fear – of solitude, of failure, of what others will say. They are all powerful catalysts. Powerful enough to drive us into a life of indifference, cynicism, mediocrity and detachment.
Grinding her teeth with the disapproval of what her life has turned into, she’ll look into his eyes and search for the sparkle of a first-timer, trying in vain to recreate the butterfly-effect feeling in her stomach. Each time they’ll seem less empty and familiar. But she’ll stay. Because she knows what to expect for the rest of her life. There is some security in that.
Me? I refuse to be weak for the person who’s supposed to make me strong. Dead-end relationships are for people who aren’t familiar with their own capabilities and needs. It’s empowering how many doors open once you admit and face your limitations. I am incapable of settling for anything less than what I need and want. What about you?