long after post coitum

Unspoken words, unable to find a path to the other person, have no choice but to become writings or perish, turning into sadness. Then people silently sit next to each other, not knowing what to do with themselves. It’s a sad story.
People rarely make that final step from falling in love to actually loving someone – they just assume it’s the same. Nothing is further from the truth. We reach out to another human being for many reasons, but the basis every time is pure selfishness – out of fear or desperation; in hope of comfort and companionship; in need of satisfying basic biological instincts (excuse my french). More often than never the other person is just means to an end, although we like to fool ourselves ‘we were meant to be’. Even the most superficial and dull relationships seem like a good investment in the beginning and there’s a very simple explanation for this – people live based on comparisons and contrasts. Nothing stands and/or has any value for itself. And any relationship – even a deeply dysfunctional power struggle with questionable outcome(s) is preferable to the howling loneliness of nights of mindless browsing in search of [any] warmth. That is, until it becomes perfectly clear that even the biggest loser has discriminating taste and can only put up with a relationship born out of desperation to a certain point, after which he starts craving other things. Things such as friendship, understanding, [real] tenderness, perhaps even love (if he still aims that high). Funny enough every single person on the planet is sure they deserve it..they’re entitled to it. I’m not so convinced..
Not knowing what to do with the person we’re with, we just sit there, filling the silence with dreams about we’ll do in the future, but end up just doing each other (pun intended). Sadly, contrary to popular opinion sex only consists in the filling of physical cavities and emptying of emotional ones.. in a way it leaves you emptier than you were before. It’s weird how with the wrong person the emptiness is utterly devastating and with the right one the same emptiness holds nothing but shared solitude and peaceful comfort. People often mistake getting off and feeling relieved with the latter. It’s a big mistake, though easily spotted when it becomes clear that if you’re not having sex, you’re just making small talk till you’re ready for round two.
Somewhere after the first gaze and before the conscious decision to get  involved with that person, we decided to overlook (note the word!) all the differences and focus solely on the similarities..that’s what doomed ‘us’. We fall in love with what we [think] we know and understand, but we love because of the differences, which we stay around to discover, to embrace and to come to appreciate and be moved by. Otherwise we continue sitting – in front of the TV, in economy class seats on the way to the annual vacation and in the end – on each others’ throat and soul. It’s long since we’ve fallen out of love as all initial needs and wants have been satisfied and we never quite made that transition into actually starting to love and know one another.

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