if it starts, it has to end

In the beginning they are all so respectful, polite and witty and we are all so charming, mysterious and soft-spoken it’s [almost] surreal. It’s inhumane to keep it together 24/7, but we all manage to pull it off somehow – in the beginning of every relationship that is. Fully aware we’re setting ourselves to fail, since it’s only a matter of time to screw up.

It’s a widely known secret that we only get one chance in love..and completely off topic – it’s also a widely known fact we always, always, always manage to blow it fairly quickly.

Women stop loving when they’ve been hurt badly. No amount of excuses, tenderness, belated loyalty and sweet gestures can change that. We can (and often do because we rarely leave a sunken relationship for reasons completely eluding to the logical mind) and  pretend we’ve forgiven, forgotten and moved passed the loss of trust and love for our partner, oblivious to the fact that the only thing we’re getting out of the relationship from now on, is an Oscar for a Best Supporting Role in a self-directed sham. Men might perceive this as cold-heartedness and being bitchy, but the sad truth is women save their most bitter resentment, disappointment and unkindness only for ourselves. He might even think that I am mean and unfair, which is fine, because I know that for everything he’s suffered – I’ve suffered for the both of us and for all the times I’ve been unkind to him – I’ve punished and will continue punishing myself long after we’re through and he’s moved on. It may take him one or two remedial relationships to mend his bruised heart, but I will pursue his image for years to come in every guy I throw myself at just to fool myself that what we shared was real.

Men don’t get or care about any of that. He’ll see a bitch out of hell – confident and self sufficient, provocative and seductive, which  will only hurt and convince him more that she didn’t care that much in the first place since she’s moved on so fast. He’ll never know that everything she’s become is because of him.. for him. To remind him what he rejected; to show him what he’s missing out on; to teach him that every woman is an illusion for she takes the form(s) of every guys’ dreams of her and to make him see and realize that. Men prefer to venture out to unconquered territories, unaware that what they think is familiar and well-known is as wild as the geese they want to chase. While chasing they’ll talk about the comfort of settling down and while settling down (not ‘once settled down’ because you never are, it’s a process) they’ll do everything to get away.

And it’s shattered. Beyond repair. It’s so predictable it’s not even worth crying over (but we do).

Then he starts apologizing, rationalizing, defending, reasoning, asking, hoping and more often than never it’s better to choose to be alone with somebody than alone with yourself. Men call it forgiveness and consider it a sign of true love. Women view it for what it really is – good old rational thinking.

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