love horoscope

I’ve never really understood why people have bumped up the number of zodiac signs up to the unnecessary twelve. Not to mention having spent centuries trying to find some type of connection and general personality traits typical to each assigned anthropomorphic symbol. Naturally, I can’t speak with confidence about men, but when it comes to women all it takes are three signs to lay down the law and the correlation:

Sheep: Woman born under the zodiac sign Sheep baa in awe before every man that lingers just long enough to satisfy their most basic urges. Consequently they will believe anything he dares to come up and never even think to question his motifs, reasons, excuses, explanations and lies. This type of woman longs for coziness, being part of a herd and a strong and just owner, who ‘knows better’ than her what her needs, wants and goals should be. And just like a modern version of a sacrificial lamb she will gladly place her dreams, hearts desires and hopes on the alter at his feet ‘for the greater good’. His, of course.

Dog: Incidentally this sign is not all that different from the preceding one as in addition to craving a master and a home to belong to, the woman born under it continuously goes out of her way to please the said master. His approval, comfort and well-being becomes the centre of her universe just as not letting him down or provoking him becomes the strongest driving force behind her actions. Needless to say, most men consider landing a Dog in the shape of a woman as their ‘meal ticket’ (I know, this is a terrible pun, that’s the point).

Cat: Many similarities have been drawn between women and cats and it’s not a coincidence. Women born under the zodiac sign of the exquisite feline are just as conceded, elegant, mesmerizing and unpredictable. As opposed to the Dog that morphs and adapts to fit its owner personality and appearance, the Cat rather unknowingly changes the person living with it until he fits her perception of him. The fleeting nature of the sign means women come and go without warning, explanation or a reason, and leave behind more questions than answers. But the biggest enigma – one that felines and women have shared for centuries – is that, despite being highly intuitive, careful, perceptive, intelligent and analytic – they will always base their decisions on a whim, a mood or a feeling. And the only thing a man can do is deal with it.