If you’ve had extraordinary luck and you’ve managed to find a charming, warm, down-to-earth and loving woman to spend your days and night with, you start feeling comforted and peaceful in her presence. You immerse yourself in that tranquility to the point of not knowing (or caring) if she loves you back, because it doesn’t matter as long as she keeps giving you the things you’re quickly becoming hooked to. But when they stop..
The worst is you stop feeling comforted and peaceful. In fact, you burn out in a matter of weeks as the human mind can’t handle such atrociously unexpected and fast shift of polarities. What’s even more – you’re still living with the same charming, warm, down-to-earth and loving woman, but now the acute realization of her dissatisfaction with you as an individual is draining your soul drop by drop. How long will she stay? When will she meet a man who will be able to give her everything she’s not getting from you? Questions keep flooding your jaded mind, but you don’t know the answers to any of them..So you wait, and hope, and wait and hope some more..
It’s a whole different story if the woman you’re with is not remarkable in any way and you don’t find yourself feeling particularly elated in her presence. Perhaps you see potential in your relationship, but that means you’ll start hoping, envisioning, waiting, believing in her and that lays out the foundation for dangerous dependency. You’re relying on the notion that if she becomes slightly better, you’ll feel happier. And when this woman, who’s received a generous line of credit in the form of your trust, goes ahead and blows it all away because she never cared about you in the first place, you’re damaged beyond repair. It’t one thing to be hurt by someone you love; it’s an entirely different experience to be ruineed by a person you convinced yourself to like. Even great minds like Hemingway never wrote those types of life stories – they’re way too painful and impossible to tell..
Next to her you feel small, inadequate and incapable. How could she screw you over when you didn’t even care that much in the beginning? But you’re unable to blame her for any of your feelings of loss and disappointment. After all – she never promised you anything. You can despise the way she spent the trust you gave away so freely, but you really have no one to be mad at but yourself.
And sometimes you end up with a woman who has nothing and is incapable of giving anything to a man, because she’s the epitome of goodness. She’s kind to everyone an you just happen to be around. You can stay still for a bit and see what it’s like on the receiving end for a change. You give and expect nothing and she keeps giving back and surpassing your wildest expectations. But when eventually she comes to terms with the fact that you’re just a freeloader in her perfect little universe and starts acting up – then you have every right to be angry at her.
It means she’s tricked you intentionally because her only virtue was fake. Or perhaps she just stopped liking you. How inconsiderate..